Barn Family
by jord477
Summary: We all know the Crystal Gems are like Steven's guardians. Ever since Peridot and Lapis started living on Earth, they've always been like his sisters. But after a recurring argument begins causing problems, how will our favorite pair take responsibility. Join Peridot and Lapis as they embark on the most challenging and scariest mission they have ever faced… PARENTHOOD!


**Heya, my fellow readers! In addition to the publishing of my first story in the "Steven Universe Crossover Franchise," I've decided to post this other story as well. This is my very first non-crossover story, so I hope you all enjoy it!**

 **My friend R-na helped me with this piece of work and she was the one mostly responsible for this idea as well, so everyone please giver her credit. You're the BEST R-na!(You know who you are. wink. wink.) MERRY CHRISTMAS because this is my present to YOU!**

 **As for the rest of you, I don't want to give spoilers, but the basis of this story will basically a four chapter breakdown of Peridot and Lapis experiencing what it is like to be PARENTS.**

 **I DO NOT OWN STEVEN UNIVERSE! ALL RIGHTS BELONG TO REBECCA SUGAR!**

* * *

The warp pad near the barn activated and Steven was shown warping in. He was wearing his cheeseburger backpack and he looked excited as he began to head towards the barn.

Steven – Oh boy! I can't believe I get to spend three whole days with Lapis and Peridot. It's too bad I couldn't go with the gems on the mission, but it probably wouldn't be a good idea to spend a whole weekend in a volcano.

Steven then came up to the barn and stopped at the door.

Steven – I wonder what those two are up to now?

Steven raised his fist to knock on the door.

Peridot – No, no, no! It doesn't go there!

Steven stopped once he heard Peridot's voice from inside and his expression morphed into one of confusion.

Steven – Huh?

Steven carefully and quietly opened the door to the barn just a little so he could see inside: Lapis and Peridot were standing in front of what looked to be a new sculpture, however the two of them also looked as though they were arguing.

Peridot – The pipes are supposed to be strung up and based at the bottom. How is the morp going to stand without legs for a base?!

Lapis – Well, maybe if you just listened to my idea this wouldn't have happened!

Peridot – Oh, please. I'm the one with the most intellectual mind around here. Clearly I know a thing or two more about architectural design.

Lapis – Architect? You worked with machines. I have seen real architecture from a thousand years ago to this day. I think _I'm_ the one who has the better knowledge here.

Steven – Uh, are you guys okay?

Lapis and Peridot turned towards Steven's direction once they heard him and their glares were quickly replaced with happy expressions.

Lapis and Peridot – Steven!

The two gems quickly ran over to Steven.

Lapis – We didn't see you there!

Steven – I know. Are you guys working on another art piece?

Peridot – Well, we _were_ building our newest meep-morp…

Peridot's expression then turned annoyed again as she glanced at Lapis.

Peridot – Until _someone_ decided to start messing with the intended design.

Lapis looked annoyed again as well as she looked back at Peridot.

Lapis – Those "intended designs" completely strayed from the point of the meep-morp. My ideas would have actually shown what it's supposed to mean.

Peridot – It would have shown what it's supposed to mean if you had let me finish!

Steven – Guys! Please, don't fight! This is supposed to be a fun weekend!

Peridot regained her composure.

Peridot – You're right. Lets just put all this on hold and just focus on the task at hand. Having fun together!

Lapis smiled.

Lapis – Yeah, you're right.

Lapis then walked closer to Steven.

Lapis – So, Steven. Do you want to go for a fly?

Peridot then came over to Steven's other side.

Peridot – Wait, wait, wait, wait! Steven, I simply have to show you the newest features I've added to the security drones!

Lapis then grabbed one of Steven's arms and frowned at Peridot again.

Lapis – I think I asked Steven first, Peridot.

Peridot grabbed Steven's other arm and frowned at Lapis in return.

Peridot – Well, flying is a much longer process activity. So logically, Steven should come with me first.

Lapis and Peridot began to pull on Steven's arms as though it were a tug of war. Steven, however, looked extremely uncomfortable.

Lapis – Let go! We're going flying!

Peridot – No, we're not! We're going to check on the drones!

Steven then managed to pull his arms from both of their grasps.

Steven – Wait! Why don't we just… play cards?

Lapis and Peridot glanced at Steven for a moment before they looked back at each other.

Peridot – All right.

Lapis – Fine.

* * *

The three were then shown sitting in a circle, playing Go Fish. Steven looked like he was having fun at first, but once he put another match of cards down, he looked over at Peridot and Lapis and frowned: Peridot appeared to be trying to take one of Lapis' cards, but she was stubbornly holding it up in the air, out of reach.

Next, they were shown outside in the vegetable garden; Steven was carefully planting seeds, while Pumpkin was watching him, wagging his stem tail excitedly. He then looked over to Peridot and Lapis and frowned again, as this time Lapis was taking the watering cans Peridot was going to use to water certain crops. The blue gem shook her head and gestured to a different set of crops as though she was saying they were the ones that should be watered instead, however Peridot then seemed to retort in disagreement, leading to another argument breaking out between the two of them. Steven and Pumpkin looked at each other nervously.

Then, the three were shown sitting in front of the TV, with Steven holding out two different movies for them to watch. However, Lapis and Peridot instantly glared at each other as though they both already knew they disagreed on which movie they should see. Taking note of their tension, Steven slowly put the two movies behind his back, and smiled sheepishly.

Evening had finally come, however the three friends were once again standing in the middle of the barn, and Lapis and Peridot were having another argument.

Lapis – I was going using those paint cans for one of my meep-morps! Now because of you, I can't.

Peridot – I was practicing my metal powers! Do you think I meant to crush them! Besides, I told you not to throw those water balls at us! You soaked one of my drones and shorted it out!

Lapis – It was only one, you can easily fix it!

Peridot – Which would waste my valuable time to spend with Steven!

Lapis scoffed and crossed her arms.

Lapis – Doing what? Playing with toys?

Peridot – They are expertly crafted attack drones!

Steven was standing in front of the two bickering gems, looking extremely uneasy.

Steven – Guys, come on! You've been fighting all day! Why can't you just make up?

Lapis – Steven, not now. We are trying to argue!

Steven looked a little taken aback from that statement.

Peridot – I'm the smartest one here, so I know what's best for Steven and us to do together!

Lapis – Well, I was friends with Steven first, so I think _I_ know what's better for him to do with us!

Peridot – Well, I spent a longer period of time with him than you have, so clearly I know what's best!

As the two gems argued, Steven began to look more and more insecure; sweat was even dripping down his forehead. As he looked down sadly, his gem began to glow, along with his body, and soon he began to shrink down. Lapis and Peridot continued to yell at each other until they noticed the glow coming from Steven and they watched in shock as his body shrunk. By the time the glowing stopped, the two gems' eyes widened as they continued to stare at the spot where Steven was standing.

Peridot – Lapis? What happened to Steven?

Lapis – I… I don't know.

Steven was then revealed to once again be a baby. He looked up at Lapis and Peridot with confused and innocent eyes before he made a few baby sounds. At that, the two gems shouted out in alarm and confusion before they came over and crouched down to Steven.

Lapis – Steven! What happened?! Why have you shrunk?!

Peridot – Hold on! Calm down, Lapis! I see what's going on here.

Peridot then picked up Steven.

Peridot – Steven has obviously shape-shifted into this much smaller version of himself to grab our attention.

Peridot smiled proudly.

Peridot – As you can see, Steven… It worked perfectly. So, you can grow back to normal now.

Steven just looked at Peridot, making her open her eyes and begin to sweat nervously.

Peridot – Um, Steven? What are you waiting for? Change back now.

Steven continued to stare at Peridot before he made a few more baby noises. Peridot however, looked even more worried.

Peridot – What is that supposed to mean? This isn't funny, Steven! Tell us what's going on!

Lapis continued to look at Steven in shock.

Lapis – Peridot… I-I don't think he can talk…

Peridot – What?! Of course he can talk! I've heard him talk! You've heard him talk! We've all heard him talk!

Due to Peridot screaming so loudly, Steven started whimpering, and then he began to cry, panicking both Peridot and Lapis.

Peridot – Wait! No, no, no, no, no! Steven, please stop crying!

Peridot shook Steven a little, but he just cried harder. Peridot then turned towards Lapis, looking even more panicked than before.

Peridot – Lapis, I think I broke him!

Lapis – Then fix him!

Peridot – I don't know how to fix him!

Lapis scoffed and looked upwards, presumably in annoyance, however she was clearly still panicked as well.

Lapis – Oh, so Miss "I'm the smartest out of all of us" actually doesn't know how to fix something for once!

Peridot – Now is not the time for that! We need help!

Lapis – O-okay! Hold on, uh…

Lapis looked to the side as she contemplated for a second before she looked back at Peridot.

Lapis – I think I know someone.

* * *

Greg's van was then shown driving up to the barn, with Lapis riding on top of it. Once it stopped, Greg came out and Lapis hopped down next to him, looking very worried.

Greg – Okay, so what exactly is the emergency? You didn't exactly say much back at the wash except that something has happened and you needed me to fix it.

Steven's cries suddenly rang out, causing Greg and Lapis to turn towards the direction it came from. Peridot was standing in front of the barn, still looking panicked while holding out Steven as he continued to cry. Though startled at first, Greg then put his hand on his head, as he understood the situation.

Greg – Oh boy… Not again.

Peridot and Lapis then both widened their eyes and turned their attention towards Greg.

Peridot – Again? You mean this is normal?

Peridot walked over to Greg and handed Steven to him.

Greg – Uh, no… Actually, this only happened one other time before.

Greg rocked Steven soothingly, which began to calm him down until he finally stopped crying. He then began laughing and waving his hands up towards Greg as though he was trying to reach for him, making Greg smile as well.

Greg – Was he shape shifting for too long again or something?

Peridot – No.

Lapis – We were just arguing, and then all of a sudden he became like this.

Greg's expression became one of understanding as he looked at Peridot and Lapis and then down at Steven.

Greg – Oh gee…

Peridot – Well? Fix him already!

Greg – Look guys, this is not exactly something that can be instantly fixed. Last time this happened, it took an entire day for Steven to return to normal. I'm still not completely clear on how it works, so I don't know how long it will take this time.

Peridot and Lapis looked at each other worriedly before they turned back to Greg,

Lapis – Then, what do we do?

Greg smiled a little as he gestured to Steven.

Greg – In the meantime, you're just gonna have to take care of Steven until he's back to normal.

Greg then handed Steven to Lapis, who looked at Steven curiously as she held him in her arms like Greg had.

Peridot – Wait, us? Aren't you going to help?

Greg smiled sheepishly and rubbed his head.

Greg – Well, normally I would… But honestly, I think this is something the two of you need to do on your own.

Lapis and Peridot looked at each other again as they took in Greg's words.

Lapis – Well… It shouldn't be too hard. It's still Steven, just… smaller and he doesn't talk.

Greg – Actually, there's a lot more to babies than just that.

Peridot then looked skeptical.

Peridot – What more is there? Other than the fact he cries so loudly despite his lack of speech?

Greg – The others had a hard time understanding it at first, too. But, there's a lot you two should know about human babies.

* * *

Lapis, Peridot, and Greg were soon shown bringing in a bunch of mattresses, blankets, boxes of diapers, and various other baby items into the barn. The two then began baby-proofing the entire barn; attaching Styrofoam to anything hard or dangerous looking, putting up safety nets and installing baby gates on any high edges, and spreading the mattresses and blankets all across the floor. Once they were done, night had completely fallen and the three were looking at the barn from the outside.

Greg – Well, that should do it.

Greg turned to Lapis and Peridot.

Greg – Lapis, use that book to help you out with whatever Steven will need.

Lapis looked down at the book in her hands, which Greg had given her for her and Peridot to know what they needed to know about babies.

Lapis – Oh, sure. Thanks.

Peridot – Yes, yes. Wow, thanks for your help and expertise, Greg. You can go now.

Peridot waved her hand, signaling for Greg to leave.

Greg – Okay, but if you need anything, just call me.

Greg turned around, walked back to his van, got in, and started the engine. He had a confident smile on his face at first, but then it instantly turned into a concerned frown.

Greg – I wonder if this is a good idea?

Greg then drove away. Lapis and Peridot watched him go before they heard crying from inside the barn, shocking them both.

Peridot and Lapis – Steven!

The two gems raced into the barn and over to Steven, who was now wearing his old baby clothes and was lying on a clump of small blankets, acting as a makeshift bed. Peridot picked him up and cradled him in her arms, however Steven continued to cry, making her panic a little again.

Peridot – What do we do?!

Lapis began looking through her book.

Lapis – Okay, okay, it says here that when babies cry it usually means one of these three things: One, they're hungry… Two, they're tired… And three…

Peridot then sniffed the air and a form of disgust settled on her face.

Peridot – What is that horrible stench?

After a second, Peridot and Lapis' eyes widened and they gaze turned towards Steven, or more specifically… his butt.

Lapis – I think that's number three…

Peridot was soon shown undressing Steven and her and Lapis' expressions became even more shocked and disgusted once they saw the results.

Lapis – That's a really big piece of-

Peridot shut her eyes tight and she held her hand up to silence the blue gem before she could finish.

Peridot – Yeah! Yeah! We get the idea! Don't say it!

Peridot opened her eyes and put her hands out, preparing to change Steven, though her face still held great discomfort, as did Lapis'.

Peridot – Let's just hurry up and get this over with.

* * *

After a full hour had passed, the two gems had finally finished changing Steven. They both were lying on the floor, looking drained and disgusted.

Peridot – That… was by far… the worst possible torture I've ever been put through in my entire existence!

Lapis – Well, at least we're finally done and now Steven's asleep.

The two gems turned back towards Steven, who was now sleeping peacefully.

Peridot – I suppose so. Which means we shouldn't do anything that results in much noise for the rest of the night so that we won't disturb him.

Lapis – We could just lie on top of the roof and wait for the sun to come up again.

Peridot – I think that's sounds like the best course of action.

The two sat up and began to head up the stairs.

Peridot – By the way, I get the beanbag this time.

Lapis stopped and turned towards Peridot with a glare once again forming on her face.

Lapis – What? No way! It's my turn this time!

Peridot turned towards Lapis and began glaring back as well.

Peridot – I deserve it more! I did the majority of the work changing Steven!

Lapis – No you didn't! I helped change him just as much as you did!

Due to the two gems' arguing, Steven began to stir uncomfortably and soon enough, he was awake and began to cry again. Lapis and Peridot instantly turned their attention back to Steven and watched him for a moment before they looked back at each other nervously. Keeping their nervous expressions, the two gems returned their gazes to Steven.

Peridot and Lapis – Oh boy…

* * *

 **Do you all like it so far? I hope you do.**

 **Please review cause that would help a lot. More hilarity of Lapis and Peridot trying to take care of baby Steven will be coming soon, along with a bunch of cute fluff, so stay tuned.**

 **On one last note… For any of you who are still waiting for the next update on Mystery Gems AU Oneshots, I' SOOO SORRY AGAIN that I'm taking so long to update. I know I promised the next chapter would be up faster and all of you have every right to judge me, but I went through a bit of writer's block and I'm afraid I won't update on that again until we start getting further into 2017. You don't have to believe me at this point… but if there's one thing I'm NOT DOING, it's giving up on that story. We WILL get an update eventually… but if you could send me any ideas or even just words of encouragement, I would deeply appreciate it, cause I feel like I've been letting you guys down by taking so long. If it helps, the next chapter will include element from "Mindful Education" including everyone's favorite song: _Here Comes a Thought_.**

 **Wish me luck and see you next time!**


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